Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
