I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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