Sacagawea was the original milf.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
and you fell through a lawn chair
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
