I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
