matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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