i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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