why didn't you poke me back
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
