He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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