I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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