susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
