I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
