waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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