dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
