I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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