Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
