i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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