yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
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