also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Found your dick twin last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize