Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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