If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
