you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
