apparently the secret to your success is patron
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
