i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
