I've blown a few things in my day
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
