Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
