I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
