WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
