nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Randomize
