He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
