i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
