I think scott just propositioned me for sex
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
