Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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