remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
