At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
