You really coming over, don't trick.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
