tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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