Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Congratulations! We have a period
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
