So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
