Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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