I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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