Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
