Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
