he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
