Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
