drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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