TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
