You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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