She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
