Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
time to smoke my breakfast
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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