There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize