i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
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