I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
