I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
