I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
