Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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