I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
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