First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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