her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
only if we run a train.
done.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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