"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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