I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
