i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
