I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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