Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
