Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
