ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize