found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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